002 - Take a Look to the Sky Before You Die (Thomas' Story)

We all have experiences in life that contribute to how we see the world and interpret life circumstances.  In Episode 2 of the Unsettled Podcast, Thomas explains how a traumatic head injury in high school has led to a perspective of peace and living on borrowed time.  

The Unsettled Podcast exists to inspire people, including ourselves, to not settle for a life that's anything less than what God has intended. Through honest conversations, stories from the trenches, intriguing questions, and practical challenges, we hope to ignite a spark that moves our listeners to pursue the invitation God has for them. 

CALLED TO MORE.  MADE TO RISK.

Episodes Produced by Guestroom Studio Mastering Engineer Caden Baughman

Music Credit - It was Never Enough by Sunbreak.  EpidemicSound.com 

Transcript

Intro

Thomas 0:06

I put my head back on the bench and I looked up, and it was like I realized I am gonna die here, and that's okay. Everybody thinks you have this, and maybe some people do, they have this earth-shattering vision, right? Or the or there's this huge there's this thing that happens to you. I didn't see anything, I just felt it.

Todd 0:33

Welcome to the unsettled podcast episode number two. This is Todd. I'm here with Thomas and Thomas, how's your day? It is sped up and kind of frustrating.

Thomas 0:45

I knew we were gonna record this today. This morning is not gone as planned at work. I'm kind of fighting noise.

Speaker 0:53

That's me. Okay, how's your morning?

Todd 0:55

Actually, morning's not bad. I would say the last, well, starting Saturday, the week the weekend. This is let's see, today's Wednesday. We're recording, and Saturday through Tuesday was was a little rough. A little rough at home, a little rough at work, just just a lot recently. So I'd like to say I showed up and just fully content and prepared and ready, and I'm I'm not, but I'm still here. That's all that matters. That's all that matters. Well, hey, we just wanted to come back and based on you know episode one, we were trying to share with you all who are listening why why this idea of being unsettled is something that's important to us. So appreciate you coming back for episode two. And and really what we want to try to do here in this episode is just try to bring you all into the fold because we recognize that every everybody's story is different. You know, Thomas, obviously, you have a story, and I'll ask you more about that here in a bit, and so do why. But each one of us, we have a different way that we're coming into this conversation. You know, for some people, we're really satisfied with our jobs, and others we're just like, yeah, man, I I feel like I need something different. For for some people, feeling like, man, I I think there's something more, I can't really put my finger on it. And and others are just like, no, I I think I'm good. I think I got everything I need. I don't really see a need to try to, you know, experience more or take any risks. Some of you out there are bored, you're in a a place where it's just like, man, I have been doing the same thing over and over and over again for you know who knows how long. But everybody's story here is different. And so our goal with this episode, and and maybe the future ones as well, is just to find a way to invite you all into our own stories for Thomas to share a little bit about how you've come into this idea of being unsettled, same for me, and and just share that with with our audience and and try to help you all see that we we are just like seriously normal, regular guys, just recognizing that there is more for each one of us. And so, how did we get there?

Thomas 2:56

So we I mean, we talked about this morning when we we sit down every time and we look at this podcast and why we're doing it, why we're putting ourselves out there. It's like, who are we trying to reach? We agree we want to be impactful, but who are particularly are we trying to reach? And I the answer is yes, I guess. I mean, it's it's for everybody. So that's what I just underlined again. I mean, that that's what I want to come out of this episode is this is not reserved for specific people in specific times of their life. This this is something that is attainable and it's for everybody all the time.

Todd 3:27

Yeah, yeah. So the Thomas,

Thomas' Head Injury Story

Todd 3:30

if you would. I mean, obviously, I know your story, I know we've been friends for a long time, but I think just to help people get a feel for who you are and why you've come to this place where you really do believe that there is more for your life. Take us back. Where did this kind of all start for you?

Thomas 3:51

This was not necessarily an intentional path that I set out on. This is really something that kind of happened to me. I w I was in high school, I was I was a sophomore, I was playing baseball, had a head injury that ended up me being in life watched. So, I mean, they they had to bring a plane in, they had to take me to Wichita, which is about an hour and a half away. I had to save my life, you know. So it was something that just it was just a random day. We're we're playing a game, we're having a good time. I was a sophomore in high school, everything was going as it really should go, I think most people would say. And, you know, I got hit in the head. It was just a fluke, random accident that has happened to a lot of people a lot of the time. It hit me in the temple the right way. I had a bleed underneath my skull, picked up the ball, ran back, everything was fine. We kind of had a laugh about it. Then a few minutes later, everybody realized this wasn't normal, this was not going well. You know, so medically speaking, I probably shouldn't have made it off the field based on the rate I was bleeding. So I realized something was wrong when I laid down. I mean, it was just an extraordinary amount of pain. My my coaches were holding me down. I w I don't I wouldn't call it a convulsion, but I was I was panicking. I I was dying, is what was happening. It took me a few minutes to realize that, but I knew that whatever was happening to me was not sustainable. I knew that what I was going through was not something I could bear. I I could not handle the pain. I couldn't handle what was going on. And so I realized at that moment, laying on the bench, that this was it. I I remember looking up at the sky in tribute to a Metallica song of today, it was take a look to the sky just before you die. It's the last time you will. We used to lift weights to that song in high school. I remember thinking those lyrics because I looked at the sky and I saw the clouds and I saw that I saw it, and I thought, I want to see this because this is the last time I'm gonna see it. I mean, it it the pain was I can't describe what that pain was. So I I did that and I'm I'm in this I'm in the midst of this physical panic. I I'd like to say I was I was calm and collected. I was a freaking mess. I was panicking, but I had this sense of security. I I put my head back on the bench and I looked up, and it was like I realized I am gonna die here, and that's okay. Everybody thinks you have this, and maybe some people do, they have this earth-shattering vision, right? Or the or there's this huge there's this thing that happens to you. I didn't see anything, I just felt it. I felt the security. I I went to church, right? I I I was a Christian, I but I didn't really know that feeling, had never felt it. But I knew if this was it, I knew that if I die on this bench on this baseball field, I know I'm gonna be okay. And and I had you had those moments. I thought about my parents, I thought about my sister, I thought about my friends, all the things that mattered, that's where the panic came from. Because I was losing those things. I I felt like I was losing all the things that mattered to me. And and the reality is I I was, but I wasn't losing that feeling. That that feeling I had, that security I had was not something that I could lose. And that was the first time I think I ever fully realized that. So fast forward a little bit, I I blacked out. They came and picked me up, they took me to Celina. There there was a plane en route to a town in western Kansas. They redirected, landed in Celina, put me on that plane, sent me to Wichita. So again, lots of details between here and there. My dad met me down there. My mom was out of town for work, so I can't imagine what she was going through. But I got down there, they got me into surgery immediately, opened up my skull, released all the pressure, stapled my head back together, and put me in ICU. You know, my mom got there, my my family got there, and and they told them all, look, if he wakes up, which is a big if, uh, even at that point, he's not gonna be the same. So you guys all need to understand and be aware of what's what's coming, what's possible, look into some long-term places to stay. I mean, it was a your life is gonna be different now type of type of conversation. So they all got there. I was in ICU, I had tubes, and every place you could have a tube in your body, which I hadn't experienced before. And the next morning I woke up in ICU. I still, you know, I I remember everybody's faces, I remember it like it just happened to me. I woke up like I woke up this morning. I mean, minus the tubes. But I got up and everybody's looking at me like, what are you doing awake? And I'm asking them questions, and I was talking to them, and there's just no way to explain why. But but that's what happened. You know, that that's my story. So the doctors came in, I we went through all the tests, we we did everything else. But the fact of the matter is, is I I shouldn't have been there anymore, but I was. So when you look at being unsettled, to me, it's this sense of urgency. It's this now you've been given bonus time. My life was technically 16 years long. Now it's not. I mean, just bang, all of a sudden, now it isn't. Now, how far does it go? I don't know. But when you live with that sense of wherever it goes from here is bonus. I know that feeling now that I felt, you know, that God was with me, that Jesus is there for me. It was like, what do you have to lose? So go do things. Go. I've you're here to accomplish things, you're here to do things. And one of the neurosurgeons came into my room, and you know, this is a guy who's been a neurosurgeon, a doctor his whole life. He came to the foot of my bed, and I'd had guys coming in and out all day, and he stood there and he put his hand on my foot, and he said, You know, I've I've done this my whole career, and they told me what happened, and I had to drive over here and I had to see this for myself. He said, I've based on the rate that you were bleeding with what you had going on when we opened you up, I I can't tell you why you're here. You you you shouldn't be here. And I had to come and see it. And the guy tears up, you know, and this this doctor of neuroscience. And but you just realize that this is different. Like what's going on to me is different. And again, it wasn't something I chose. Like, I didn't pursue I want this to happen to me so I can have a life. This is something that happened to me, and I think a lot of people can relate to those feelings. I think a lot of people can relate to, I never had an experience like that. Is God still that close? Or is this type of life still there for me? So moving forward from that, I went back for one appointment and they removed the staples in my head, and I never looked back.

Todd 10:43

So,

The Deep Impact of Thomas' Experience

Todd 10:44

okay, you're not the only one in the world who has gone through a traumatic experience like that and and come out on the other side, right? Right. Obviously, that lots of people that that happens to. But what's different in you that I've seen over the years, and and I know a few others this way too, but that particular incident has dramatically changed everything for you. Like your perspective on life is totally different because of that experience. What I I guess I'm curious, like why why do you think that that's actually really changed your life? Where for other people, I mean, certainly, yeah, they go through something traumatic and it and it was hard for them, but it doesn't, it it doesn't have the deep impact maybe that this has had for you. Yeah, I mean, do you know like why why was that true for you? I don't know.

Thomas 11:34

I I think that I'm inherently I'm kind of skeptical. I think I'm kind of logical that in just the way I approach, I mean, I solve problems every day for a living. I mean, I I tend to think that way, but I do think I have a bit of skepticism that if somebody tells me something, it's not that I don't believe them. I just kind of like to know that that's how how I feel about it. And so when I when I look back at what happened to me, I cannot deny what occurred to me. I mean, laying on that bench, that was not something that, okay, I've heard about this before, so this must be it. I mean, it it happened to me, it physically happened. So it made me just confront that idea that this is reality to me. Everybody says, you know, faith and and you have choices, and and she and I understand that, but it wasn't a choice, if that makes sense. I mean, this is something that I was directly confronted with and had to grasp with my life, my physical life ending, which I frankly had never thought about before at that point. And so when it was right in my face, it made me realize that what I'm going through is real. Like this, this is not the consequences are literal life and death. I mean, the the things that I valued, and and they're good, they're great things, family, friends, you know, everything when you're a 16-year-old kid, they're they're good things, but I didn't have them anymore. We've read some John Eldridge stuff, and he talks about this whole I you've introduced me to that benevolent detachment, which is a fancy way of saying, like, get out of your own head sometimes and see what else matters to you. And and I I read about it and I understood it, but it was familiar to me. It was familiar because I had been detached at one time in my life, not of my own choice, but I was detached from the stress, the happiness, too. I was detached from this life that I had, and I was attached to something that was dude, this is bigger. Like I want that. I want that feeling, I want that security of I'm I'm with you no matter how distracted you get, no matter how noisy your life is, you're boiled down to the very basic element, and I'm there with you. Experiencing that to me, I felt like it wasn't a choice for me to take that path afterwards. That was the path I was on.

Attachment, Security, and Peace

Todd 13:57

So this idea of being attached. Your experience then led you to a life of attaching to the right things, the valuable things. I mean, I I I guess that's I'm I'm kind of trying to like obviously this was such a a pivotal point of your life, and and it changed the trajectory of how you how you think about things, how you see people, how you see relationships, how you see, you know, yes or no decisions. I mean, it it has impacted everything for you. So when you you you talk about that attachment, do you regularly experience then some sort of that kind of attachment in a way that brings you that peace or that security? Or and what does that look like just maybe on a everyday basis? I I should, right? Well, I I mean, I don't know. I for you there's obviously something, and yes, not not every moment, right? But I do think you have a that unique perspective, and it does change the way that you look at things. So I yeah, I just I I think you have that. I just am curious is it pretty regular? Is it in relationships? Where do you find that that's regularly happening for you?

Thomas 15:14

Yeah, I and I I wish I could say that, man, my whole life is just directed out of that. All my decisions, all my actions, everything just leads me to that. And and it almost immediately wasn't that way way back then. And I've I've it's I've I've gone through all and more struggles, I've caused problems with relationships, I've I've struggled the same way everybody else struggles, just because it's just you're still living life, right? But but I do have, I mean, literally, I don't know that I don't think a day goes by that I don't stop and think about what that what that feeling was. And it might, it might be just a fleeting, okay, I I need that for a minute, or it might be, hey, I'm this is a this is a tough day, and I really want to lean into that. But the difference is, is I I have that kind of in my bank, so to speak. So I can I can stop and I can say, What's the worst thing that could happen to me today? Things aren't going well at work. You know, I'm not getting along with so and so in my life or in my family, or or there's conflict, or there's things, and and I get you get sped up, like I said, how I felt this morning. You get busy, you get distracted, and being able to pull back from that and say, All right, let me go back, let me go all the way back, let me go to the foundation. What's the worst thing that can happen to me today? I end up on a bench with God. If that's the worst thing that can happen to me, I I know that's still okay. Not to again, I'm not saying that all the things we have, back to the whole, I'm I'm grateful. I'm not saying that the things don't matter. I'm just saying when you when you've stood on that foundation before, it's a it's a you can keep going back to that place and kind of starting over again. So, I mean, for you it is that you you're really grounded by that experience. You're grounded by the memory of it. And and for you, I mean you you said it. I there seems to be something that even if it's a fleeting thought, this is something that happened a couple decades ago, and it daily still impacts you. I mean,

Remembering the Miracle

Todd 17:16

you you are regularly affected by that experience. I mean, I I think about like when I look at read about read read through scripture, there is there are so many times that the Jews, the Israelites, are thinking back to what happened in Egypt, the the the exodus out of Egypt, how about God brought them out of slavery? Like that is a something that they are regularly reminded of. And it's something that sticks with them to bring them back to the foundation of who God is and of what and what he has done for them. And I I mean that's similar in how I think about your experience. Like you regularly go back to your head injury, and that has become something that has guided you to know who God is, what he's done for you. And then that does put you in a place of gratitude. I mean, I I know you enough to know that you are grateful for what you have and for the relationships in your life. And there is still more. There is still more that God has for you because you have had so much more that happened since you were 16 years old. So this bonus life that you're living, you get a chance to live grateful with humility, with with an attitude of, man, I'm I'm excited for what God has for me. I know there's more, and so I'm just gonna continue to listen, walk with him in this to see where he's gonna take me.

Thomas 18:37

Yeah, anybody that would listen to this, obviously that that has kids, you you will never forget the first time that you gotta hold them. You'll never forget those experiences in your life. And I and when I had that feeling and I was able to hold my kids, it was I was this close to not ever being able to experience this. So again, it it it as I'm holding them, as I'm it's like you're just like cherishing this time with them, but with that understanding at the same moment of you were who knows, seconds or inches away from them not existing, from this life that you're living and feeling from it never happening. And that's just a that's an emotional feeling for me of of this. Then then you extend that out to the things that matter to your family, to your relationships, to your friends. Extend it out further, extend it out to your what you do for a living, to how you treat people, to how you forgive people, to all these different parts of your life and realize that everything I'm choosing to do, I was never guaranteed to do that in the first place, and by all practical purposes, shouldn't be doing it right now. But that's available to everybody, you know. So I mean that it's not just you don't have to have gone through some traumatic car wreck or some fought in a war or or gone through some really life-changing event. That that's for everyone. That feeling of man, you this is a it's a miracle that you're here. I mean, uh that we're doing this, that we are interacting in this way, it's bigger than any one thing you and I can choose to do.

Todd 20:12

My guess is still, most people who have experienced something difficult in their lives. I mean, it you rarely get through life without having experienced something painful, traumatic. I mean, what whatever label you want to place on it. There all of us have gone through something that has has caused some pain for us. And so I think everybody can relate to you in that in that way. And at the same time, what you're saying is you don't have to have had that huge experience, that negative experience, in order to believe that God has something more for you.

Thomas 20:48

Yeah, and I'm and I'm anxious. I mean, this is my we've we've kind of got off on my tangent. I'm I'm excited, you know, probably in the next episode to hear of your side of that from the point of view of I would make the argument that your path has been more intentional than my path. My path kind of happened to me at a at an earlier age. Your path hasn't. And and again, I I know a lot of your story, but I I just think it's important for everybody to understand you and I were on the I mean, we we lived in different places. I mean, we may have had some mutual acquaintances, but I had this thing happen to me. There's paths and things that have happened to you, but when we got together and we we started to become friends, there was a common denominator that we couldn't deny. Yeah, and it wasn't because, hey, I've been in a life-threatening event too, or hey, I've been in ministry or you know, the things that you've chosen, we didn't have that in common. What we had in common was was kind of that fundamental thread, you know, which to me, I mean, it's it's God, it's it's our relationship with Jesus that we could see that. And you can see that with other people in your life, regardless of what has brought them to this point. But that's something that we can all kind of settle on, and and that's that denominator, yeah, that we do. You let's start with that and then see what we can do.

Wrap Up

Todd 22:03

Yeah, that's really good. Well, man, appreciate you uh sharing that story. I mean, every time I hear it, it it always draws me in because I I I I know the details of it, but there is just something about how you tell it. I know how it's impacted you as well. And so for me, I'm I'm always grateful to be able to listen to it. And I I hope that our listeners appreciate it as well.

Thomas 22:22

Yeah, it's uh every time I say it, I get I get the goosebumps on the on my arms and everything else. It's there is a lot more detail to it, but the the fact is I feel an obligation to to let people know that this happens and it doesn't just happen to me. That miracles, whatever you want to call it, that happens. Like God is moving, God's alive. There are things that are bigger than what we understand, bigger than the problems we're trying to solve. Our lives are bigger than that. And and that's just an obligation I feel like I need to share.

Todd 22:54

Yeah. Well, thanks for sharing it. Appreciate it. Well, next time, yeah, I guess we'll take a little time maybe to hear a little bit about how God has worked in my own life and look forward to sharing that with you all. So I'm grateful for you guys jumping in with us here on episode two. You've been listening to the Unsettled Podcast.